WHO AM I?

WHO AM I?

This is a question of identity. Many people think this is a metaphysical question and hence evince no interest in answering the question. But the fact is that we are being asked this question all the time. If we are seeking a job, we will be asked this question in many ways. If we were trying to buy or sell something, either for personal use or for professional gain, we would have to answer this question till the other person finds us dependable enough to transact with. In fact I find that almost all conversation revolves around this question. Interestingly all of us are all the time, through words and deeds, speaking about ourselves.

Why then do we dodge this question so often? Why do we feel awkward responding to queries about ourselves? Why this great obsession about privacy? In simple terms, that which is inside an arbitrary boundary is termed private and called I or me. That which is outside the same boundary is termed public and called you or they, the other. What is the relationship between the two? Are they aliens, apart from each other? Are they harmful to each other, so they need to be kept protected from each other? Is there a need to have a wall between them? In moments of rationality we would answer these questions negatively. We would agree that the relationship needs to be open and friendly. Life as we experience it depends entirely on the nature of this relationship. If it is open and friendly, life is free flowing. If it is defensive and guarded, life becomes a struggle of varying intensity.

Let us come back to exploring the awkwardness we feel when responding to questions about ourselves. Let me begin with myself. Now a day I am quite free talking about myself. In fact I enjoy the conversation when it is about me. Awkwardness comes but rarely when the conversation moves towards aspects of me, which I have not quite accepted, which I hold in shame or guilt. I ought to welcome these questions because they provide an opportunity to understand and assimilate these aspects. But I carry this stupid notion that I ought to work that out first in the privacy of my mind. My experience tells me that it does not get resolved in privacy. The mind has a vested interest in keeping the myths alive. The minds existence depends on these myths. If there are no myths there is no mind. It is in our interest to have an empty mind. An empty mind is not the devil’s workshop. An empty mind is open, receptive, compassionate and creative.

It is thus obvious that for me to live a free flowing life, I need to know and accept all aspects of myself, inside and out. I have been created in love and so all of me is lovable. It is perfect in all respects. Why should I hide it then? Life in all its beauty is created by the playful interaction of that which is inside and outside. Why then should I interfere in this play or create obstacles? I AM FORM AND NO-FORM and the interplay. That which has formed is matter or the body. That which has no form (or not yet formed) is space (the Buddhists call it emptiness). Without space there can be no body. Without space it cannot be identified. Life being in the play space becomes essential for the body to move. Without space no body; without body no space. They are inseparable. Thus IAM both BODY AND SPACE.

Wow. Silence, Stillness and Peace. No more questions. No more answers. No directions. No coming and going. End of journey. May be a new beginning.

Ganoba